The last round of chemo commences in 36 hours and I am strangely conflicted about it. On one hand is the reality that shortly after noon on Friday December 11th I will be done with chemotherapy and can look forward to a life without the medical intrusion. On the other hand, I am just scared. There is a security blanket factor that undergoing chemotherapy provides, which will be stripped away at the end of this week and all that you have left to sustain you is your faith and your courage. I have lived that life before when Chris was sick, wondering whether the next scan was going to turn your world upside down again. In Chris' case, it happened twice after the first devastating blow. You have to live your life as if cancer is never returning, but that fear is never far beneath the surface.
At the end of the day, life will be better without chemo than it has been living with it. The next chapter of my life will give me a chance to recover physically, emotionally and financially from melanoma. For now, I have to overcome the fear of walking in to the Brown Cancer Center on Tuesday to get hammered for one last time and then get myself ready to drink a couple of beers on Sunday as I close the book on this chapter in my life. Bring it on.
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